Sunday, November 23, 2008

Step-by-Step Instructions for Family Pictures.

1. Be stubborn and insist that your family portrait must be taken outdoors.

2. Wait until the last warm day of the year to do it.

3. Scramble to find clothing and shoes to coordinate family.

4. Realize that you still need to go shopping.

5. The night before pictures explain plan to patient husband.

6. The next morning the patient husband must leave for work at 6:00 a.m.

7. Rush through morning routine without husband and miss him.

8. Don't forget that it is also picture day for the kids at school.

9. Comb daughter's hair but don't do anything fancy.

10. Complain about moms that do fancy things with their daughter's hair.

11. Bathe baby and preschooler.

12. Curl preschooler's hair and feel good about being a mom that did something fancy with your daughter's hair.

13. Drop off preschooler - late - but with curls.

14. Take baby and scout out location for family photo.

15. Go to the mall to find missing items.

16. Make last-second-desperate-purchases.

17. Thank the kind lady that tells you your son is missing one of his shoes.

18. Retrace steps looking for shoe. Don't actually find the shoe.

19. Leave immediately to pick-up kindergartner.

20. Clean-up mess in kitchen, make lunch, then regret bathing baby before his lunch.


21. Bathe baby again.

22. Pick-up preschooler from play group.

23. Be happy that preschooler's tantrum ends with her stomping off to her bed where she takes a much needed nap.

24. Don't be surprised by 2nd grader that REALLY doesn't want to take a family picture.

25. Help bathe kindergartner and get out girl's clothes and shoes.

26. Threaten 2nd grader. Tell him he can either cooperate and get ready or be grounded for the remainder of the week.

27. Listen to preschooler tell you she just put a very large and strange hole in her tights.

28. Be grateful you purchased two pairs of tights earlier that day.

29. Rush to meeting place with nice brother that has agreed to serve as photographer.

30. Pass tissue back to kindergartner that suddenly has a cracked and bleeding lip.

31. Pass another tissue, because it's really bleeding!

32. Pay for unexpected "entrance fee" at designated location.

33. Park in front of locked gate that the attendant assured you would be unlocked.

34. Fix preschooler's hair that is no longer curly and must in some way be restrained.

35. Do your best to keep kids corralled and baby smiling.

36. Wonder why you did not insist that all kids use the bathroom before going to a location without bathrooms.

37. Wipe baby's runny nose between every four pictures.

38. Smile.

39. Keep smiling.

40. Remind children of bribes you have promised them for smiling.

41. Try to force kids to smile.

42. Remember that you are outnumbered.

43. Concede that you are not above begging.

44. Recognize when the baby has reached his limit.


45. Suggest turning him upside down because he likes that.



46. Feel good about being right and feel foolish about thinking that it would last longer that .23 seconds.

47. Surrender!

48. Finally, be thankful you got anything worth keeping.



12 comments:

Gina said...

Very funny. And those pictures really turned out well!!! It is amazing the huge amount of effort that goes into something "simple" like a family picture...

First Amendment said...

You guys have a beautiful family! Well done!

tamra said...

What we go thru... I think they turned out great!

Celeste Dodge said...

Our family pictures are tomorrow! I'm dreading all the kid wrangling and making sure they all look perfect for atleast 30 minutes!! Your family looks great. The kids are so cute!

B Flat Major said...

Did you have to buy another pair of shoes to replace the pair that became a single at the mall?

I like the very last picture in the post the best. I also like "be proud of yourself for doing something fancy with a preschooler's hair" because I am not much of a hair mom either.

Diana said...

Something we ALWAYS want, but it's always such a production to get it done. Maybe that's why we go YEARS between pictures.

I remember one year when one of our babies had Reflux so bad, we only fed her water for the hour before the pictures, so she wouldn't be covered in spit up milk. She would just be wet....and she WAS! Glad I thought of that!

But in the end, it's the pictures that are so worth it. To look back and see that moment in time.

Your pictures turned out beautiful. Even with all the begging and work!

Rachel said...

That was very well written.

Your photo's turned out FABULOUS! I really like that last family photo in front of the door and the close ups of the kids....adorable.

I can not believe how big your kids are getting.

Elizabeth said...

Wow! I'm so impressed!! It sounds so like my life and yet you pull off a beautiful picture--jealous!

Amy Savage said...

And yet, you look so calm and collected! Everyone looks great too! I love the post, very clever.

Melissa said...

Brenda - Luckily we had an old pair that Camen wore at home. Good thing or else that might have been the straw that broke the camel's back.

Elisabeth said...

This is HILARIOUS :) I'll be sure to remember that..

Raquel Thomas said...

Oh. My. Goodness. It was worth every single second of stress, Melissa, the photos are beautiful! (Of course, when you're all so naturally gorgeous, it's practically impossible to take a bad picture!)